Procrastination

I’ve written here before about the correlation between the progression in the semester (t) and the drop in intelligence (i) across campus. In other words, as the semester progresses, everyone, students and professors alike, feels increasingly stupid. For evidence, note the drop off in the number of updates here. I have been far stupid to write something worthy of even the pointless drivel I normally post.

In honor of the approaching exam week, I’d like to propose another law of academics: As the semester approaches exam week, the level of procrastination approaches infinity. Somehow, in the final weeks of each semester, just when the days seem to shrink from twenty-four hours to a mere sixteen or less, and just when my workload is at its peak, I somehow find time to cram in enormous amounts of procrastination.

For instance, three years ago, that procrastination came in the form of online cartoon HomestarRunner.com. I went through the entire contents of that site, every single cartoon, in three days: 80 Strong Bad e-mails, 10 issues of Teen Girl Squad, and I totally beat the Peasant’s Quest game. I also passed all my classes. I am a god.

Two years ago, it was Red versus Blue, a machinima parody of Halo. I don’t play Halo. I don’t even own an Xbox. But minor considerations like “logic” and “reason” held no sway over my primal and insatiable thirst to do anything other than what I was supposed to be doing.

Last year, I immersed myself in RPG geekiness on the Signal, devising intricate storylines that would take years to enact in full, most of which I never got to use.

This year, I am an Internet news fiend. I know more about the current status Hilary Clinton’s presidential campaign than Barack Obama. In the highly likely event I get rejected by all the grad schools I’m applying to, Senator Obama needs to hire me as his campaign strategist. (Best strategy to win the White House: Don’t run against Clinton, but as her running mate. Serve eight years as vice president, and then run for head office. In the meantime, appear on The Daily Show at least once every six months.) I also finally beat Kingdom Hearts and Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Chaos Bleeds for the Playstation 2. Yes, I am a bad person. Yes, I should have been (and should be) doing my work. However, I submit to you that resorting to Buffy: Chaos Bleeds for procrastination is its own punishment.

That is why this is my new desktop background, compliments of some random blog on the Internets: